Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Twin soul

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The end of summer brought tears to my eyes…

That’s because I knew that it would be completely different without him. I knew from the start that it’s really impossible to be with him forever because we have our separate lives to live. We have different paths to take. Imagining him with me has been too impossible to form even with the dreamiest state of my mind.

It was as if I were standing on the shore and longing to see another island in the distance, but seeing only the horizon stretching into infinity. It was like being stranded on a deserted island waiting for nothing, and knowing that it would be like that until I die from the heat and lost of water to drink.

I lost hope that day, as I stared at him while controlling my tears from falling. I knew that that was a real goodbye. The goodbye I was most afraid to witness, the goodbye that said, “If we’ll meet, we’ll meet. If we’re not going to, then we’ll just have to forget each other as if nothing happened”. That was it. Goodbye to commitments. There would be no hurts and no tears…

But I knew we were wrong.

I knew that the real reason why I’m crying right now is because of that promise of no commitments. How I wish, we committed ourselves and just went with the flow, like the water falling from the mountain, with no choice but to go down… But we had our own choices, and choices made us part our ways and never to see each others face, nor smile, nor tears…

I guess he was not my twin soul after all. I was most certain from the start that he was. But after that painful experiences of late-night crying, of pondering about things about us, of quarrels, of being friends again, of awkwardness, taught me all about the things and the status we are in right now… Not friends, nor lovers… Not even enemies. We are but strangers, barely two random faces in a crowd, waiting for our twin souls that would eventually be ours forever. We are in the same state of searching, but he’s not mine, and I’m not his.

Never…
~anamellie~

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