Saturday, October 25, 2008

A Shadow of His Past

Sad_Sad_Sad_Girl.jpgEven though I keep missing him this much, even though I keep thinking about him a lot, I know our hearts would never be an inch closer to each other, because I know that even though he's seeing me, and he really makes me feel that I'm important to him, I could tell that somewhere in the distance, beyond the warmness of his glance, he's still seeing someone far greater than I am.

I know, I cannot be compared with this person, I'll just end up the loser in the game of parity. It's like putting square pegs for round holes. It's stupid and unimaginable to compare myself with someone beyond my reach, that even if I stood at the top of the highest mountain, I still would not be able to touch the clouds.

It's really agonizing to think about him, to know that even if I try to forget him through my deep sleep, I would still be haunted by our memories... or at least, my memories, with him.

I often cry, and with the tears came another set of familiar pain and loneliness, covering me with doubt and hopelessness. Everything just died, what I thought our love was, his sweet forever's, everything!

In the end, I realized that he never loved me anyway, that all he sees when he looks at me is just the memory of the girl he once loved, that he's not ready to let go.

I was just a substitute for someone he had lost in the past, someone he greatly wants to hold and keep. I was just that blueprint, existing only for that sole purpose in his life. I was just that shadow of his past, someone who would patch his broken heart but never to mend it, for the pieces had been left with the girl he still loves, and it will be forever hers...