The sound of my cellphone ringing wakes me up.
"Hello," I say, wiping the sleep from my eyes.
No one replies. I just hear the background of the screaming of the children which annoys me so much.
I end the call. I shiver... as I realize what's happening.
The cellphone rings as I place it on the bedside table...
and rings...
I do not pick it up.
It stops ringing. I sigh. Relief washes over me.
I stand up and go towards the shower.
My cellphone beeps.
Twice!
Two messages.
I slowly approach the table and check.
This is Mom... Happy birthday, my daughter, it says.
Mom! It isn't my birthday today! I want to shout.
I read the other message:
Please... forgive me, I love you. It came from the same number.
I couldn't ignore it, I have to tell her she's got the wrong number.
I stare into space.
What do I do?
I reply, Thanks ma! And I forgive you! I love you too...
I'm so happy, I did not hurt her. Again.
I shower and change, I run downstairs and breathe.
Here goes... I inhale a lungful of air.
The children plays around the kitchen, chasing after each other.
My mother smiles at me, her hands outstretched as she holds the cake...
I want to cry.
Ten candles. The usual.
She sings Happy Birthday with her beautiful voice.
Just like yesterday.
And tomorrow.
I blow the candles, wishes there are eleven, or twelve, or... eighteen- my real age...
And my tears starts flowing.
~anamellie, 050409
AN: First of all, I want to say that this is entirely FICTIONAL. This is one of the stories wherein I have no idea what happens as I start. The storyline just pops into my head as I write the words... and the idea about '50 first dates' struck me. But this is originally inspired by the anonymous text message I received which greeted me a 'happy birthday’ (Even though it isn’t my birthday) I concentrated from there and end up with this.
Showing posts with label story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label story. Show all posts
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Three Roses and a Kiss
My boyfriend left me two years ago without explanation as to why he broke up with me. We were together for three years and nowadays, three years is a really, really long time to be in a relationship. If you ask me if losing him was painful, I honestly say that it was. But I’m not about crying barrels of tears because of mourning about that loss; anyway, it would be a complete waste of time if I did. I don’t completely hate Valentine’s Day but I don’t expect myself to like it either.
Tonight, the Eve of Valentines, I felt more alone than ever. Well, at least there’s someone to confide with me and to spend the night even if to me it seemed Halloween- my younger sister.
She was pacing at the living room where the two of us usually bonded. I was lucky that I had Sharina for the last seventeen years of my existence. I was twenty-one, older than her by four years. It was completely relieving to know that she really cared.
Sharina looked uneasy as she stared at the clock which showed exactly seven.
The doorbell rang and she begged me to open the door as she hurriedly sat on the sofa and pretended to open a magazine.
I smiled at Sharina and answered the door. I did not expect a small boy which looked a little older than nine. He had brown hair, and freckly face, and he looked neat.
He was wearing a polo shirt, a suspender and matching black slacks. On his other hand was a bowler hat he put on his chest as he greeted me.
“Are you Miss Sabina? Someone wants to give this to you,” he said with a cute voice and a sweet smile.
“Who, Why-" I tried to ask him as I accepted the flower, but he just shook his head and ran away as quickly as he can, ruining the beautiful charade.
I glanced at Sharina. She raised both her shoulders. She was just as puzzled as I am.
The stem of the flower had an attached note which said, “Sorry.” I thought to myself that the person who gave it must have been crazy for he asked to be forgiven, yet he didn’t tell me who he was. But I had a feeling that the person assumed that I knew him.
Anyhow, I stayed at the door, admiring the rose when another boy (with the same “uniform” as the first one) came, holding another rose. A white one. As soon as the rose reached my grip, he ran as fast as he can.
The stem held another message.
“Forgive me”.
The two annoying words displayed in my mind as if I was seeing it with blinking twinkle lights. The flowers must have come from the same person.
I shut (more like slammed) the door. I sat on the living room sofa, and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. There was another door bell and I ignored it. Sharina, sitting just opposite me, managed to walk and get the door. When she came back, she held a note. She handed it to me as she giggled.
“No Valentine… huh!” she teased. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the note from her.
“What’s this?” Someone must have been playing a prank on me, knowing that I was lonely and without a date tomorrow for Valentines. That was it.
I opened the envelope which held my name.
The note contained two lines:
Two for each year I’ve been away…
One for the day, we’ll meet again.
I stared at the note. Now, I felt my suspicions were correct. After leaving me without an explanation, he was going to reconcile with me and our relationship would be okay as if nothing happened.
The day we’ll meet again. What does he mean?
I placed the two roses on a vase I positioned carefully on a table inside the room. (I couldn’t refuse the lovely flowers.) I was still thinking why he gave them, and I was hyperventilating in the living room, not knowing if I’ll cry or not.
I often let my mind rule over my heart. My heart says I want him back, and let’s just say, my mind wouldn’t want to. Oftentimes, I feel like I’m following a script called what I should feel when this happens and the director was my mind.
The door bell rang for the third time. Again, I did not answer it, but my sister hurried to open it anyway.
She barked at the person outside, “What do you want?”
I turned to look at the person. It was Jeremy, my sister’s best-friend-turned-worst-enemy just because he tried to tell his real feelings towards her, and by the looks of it, hasn’t given up on her yet.
“Sharina, I-“
“I told you, Jeremy. I don’t want to be more than what we are. If you don’t want that, then get lost.”
And she slammed the door and took the seat opposite me.
“Strike three,” she whispered and a grin was forming on her face.
“You know what? I think you should give him a chance,” I told her, sympathizing with the boy I knew so much by the number of hours he has been with my sister.
“Impossible!” she exclaimed, as she smiled at me.
“What?”
“That my only sister would think the same.”
“What?” I said again, completely at a loss.
She just ignored me.
The door bell rang for the fourth -and I hoped the last- time tonight. My sister whirled toward the door and I now understood what she meant.
Of course, she was just giving Jeremy some test. She loves him too and she wants to prove how serious he was by rejecting him… like tonight… and by how many times he would try to win her again. But I just hoped Jeremy wouldn’t give up yet. It might just hurt my sister.
I looked at Sharina and her face said that I was right.
She cheerfully opened the door but her expression changed when she realized it was not Jeremy.
Not Jeremy but…
“Taylor,” I gasped.
“Taylor! Come in! Come in!” my sister shrieked. I never saw her look that excited for days. Not even with the I hate you Jeremy pretenses.
Taylor took a step and was “in” when I shouted, “Stay where you are!”
The sound of my voice made him back away.
My sister was shocked. She pulled my right hand which was useless because I felt my two feet dragging me towards the door anyway.
When I was officially “out”, Sharina closed the door and locked me outside with the man whom I’m not so sure what my heart feels for.
But I’m quite sure with the mind thing. It kept telling me that I should hate Taylor because he hurt me when he left me two years ago, without explanation, and without warning.
I don’t even know if he still treated me as his girlfriend while he was away. For all we know, he may have hundreds of girls while I was left here thinking about him. Though, I don’t love him anymore. To me, he is an ex-boyfriend. A past I don’t want to relive. My mind says so.
“One for the day we meet again,” Taylor quoted, removing me from my trance as he handed me a large, long-stemmed, red, Californian rose.
He smiled his signature smile and his dimples showed on his right cheek. I stared at the floor mat just so he couldn’t see my face redden. I have a feeling it was as red as it was warm.
He held my chin with his hand and looked at me with his smoky green eyes placed on a perfectly chiseled face which took my breath away…
Stop!
I’m not supposed to tell that.
“So it was really you, wasn’t it? What made you come back?” I casually asked him, with a streak of sarcasm in my voice.
“Ouch,” he said as he put his balled fist on his chest. He was teasing and it wasn’t funny to me.
“Or better yet, why did you leave?” I wanted this question to be answered first.
“What kind of a lunatic man-“
“Oh, I don’t know. Men like you, perhaps?” I interrupted.
“Yes, I admit I was crazy, by leaving you. But please, let me explain,” he said with pleading eyes.
I remained quiet.
“You know I have amnesia that I couldn’t remember who I was or what I did before I met you. But that night- the night I left, everything came back to me-“
“So that’s why, you seemed different that night. You weren’t my Taylor,” I interrupted again.
“No, I didn’t forget you. I didn’t forget me. But some other memory tampered with my memories of you. I felt confused. I didn’t know if you really existed. I thought you were just a dream. But something told me that you’re more than that. But I didn’t want to hurt you when the time comes I wouldn’t recognize you anymore. It’s coming, Sabina, my condition could get worse. I left without explaining. I was selfish. I’m sorry.
“I know I belong here, with you. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me for leaving like that, but I kept battling with myself because part of me still believed that you should live a normal life. I want you to forget me because I don’t know how stable this mind would be. Dream or not, someday, soon, this mind may not recognize you any longer, though my heart really battled to never forget you.” I felt the pain in his voice as it trailed away.
“You want me to forget you? How would forgetting you make me live a normal life?” I felt a lump on my throat.
“Can’t you understand? I don’t want you to see me like this. I don’t want you to let me remember time and again that I should love you. I want you to love and be loved in return, normally. I love you, Sabina, this” –he clutched at his heart- “wouldn’t forget that, but I don’t know until when my mind would recognize you. I came here selfishly Sabina because I want to see you, even if it’s the last time I would. Forgive me. Forgive me for this.”
And he crushed his lips against mine. I wanted to pull away from him but I couldn’t. Instead, I just kissed him back as I felt his soft lips I missed for a very long time.
It felt like forever before our lips parted.
I looked at Taylor and cried. “I need you forever, even if it would end today. I forgive you, Taylor. I love you!” I embraced him tightly as tears continued to well down my cheeks.
A realization came over me. I let my mind rule over my heart, a principle I’ve quite developed. Yet here he is in front of me, trying to fight his mind with his heart. - A heart that says that there’s no one else but me. Now I know, that my heart also screamed for him.
“I didn’t know some romantics still existed today,” I smiled at him as I admired the rose. It was the third rose tonight.
We were about to kiss again when Jeremy appeared.
“Oops… Sorry,” he apologized, seeing what his wrong timing had caused.
“Don’t be. Sharina’s inside the house,” I winked at him as I pressed the door bell button, knowing that four hearts would never be the same tonight, at the eve of Valentine’s Day.
~anamellie, 012709
Tonight, the Eve of Valentines, I felt more alone than ever. Well, at least there’s someone to confide with me and to spend the night even if to me it seemed Halloween- my younger sister.
She was pacing at the living room where the two of us usually bonded. I was lucky that I had Sharina for the last seventeen years of my existence. I was twenty-one, older than her by four years. It was completely relieving to know that she really cared.
Sharina looked uneasy as she stared at the clock which showed exactly seven.
The doorbell rang and she begged me to open the door as she hurriedly sat on the sofa and pretended to open a magazine.
I smiled at Sharina and answered the door. I did not expect a small boy which looked a little older than nine. He had brown hair, and freckly face, and he looked neat.
He was wearing a polo shirt, a suspender and matching black slacks. On his other hand was a bowler hat he put on his chest as he greeted me.
“Are you Miss Sabina? Someone wants to give this to you,” he said with a cute voice and a sweet smile.
“Who, Why-" I tried to ask him as I accepted the flower, but he just shook his head and ran away as quickly as he can, ruining the beautiful charade.
I glanced at Sharina. She raised both her shoulders. She was just as puzzled as I am.
The stem of the flower had an attached note which said, “Sorry.” I thought to myself that the person who gave it must have been crazy for he asked to be forgiven, yet he didn’t tell me who he was. But I had a feeling that the person assumed that I knew him.
Anyhow, I stayed at the door, admiring the rose when another boy (with the same “uniform” as the first one) came, holding another rose. A white one. As soon as the rose reached my grip, he ran as fast as he can.
The stem held another message.
“Forgive me”.
The two annoying words displayed in my mind as if I was seeing it with blinking twinkle lights. The flowers must have come from the same person.
I shut (more like slammed) the door. I sat on the living room sofa, and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. There was another door bell and I ignored it. Sharina, sitting just opposite me, managed to walk and get the door. When she came back, she held a note. She handed it to me as she giggled.
“No Valentine… huh!” she teased. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the note from her.
“What’s this?” Someone must have been playing a prank on me, knowing that I was lonely and without a date tomorrow for Valentines. That was it.
I opened the envelope which held my name.
The note contained two lines:
Two for each year I’ve been away…
One for the day, we’ll meet again.
I stared at the note. Now, I felt my suspicions were correct. After leaving me without an explanation, he was going to reconcile with me and our relationship would be okay as if nothing happened.
The day we’ll meet again. What does he mean?
I placed the two roses on a vase I positioned carefully on a table inside the room. (I couldn’t refuse the lovely flowers.) I was still thinking why he gave them, and I was hyperventilating in the living room, not knowing if I’ll cry or not.
I often let my mind rule over my heart. My heart says I want him back, and let’s just say, my mind wouldn’t want to. Oftentimes, I feel like I’m following a script called what I should feel when this happens and the director was my mind.
The door bell rang for the third time. Again, I did not answer it, but my sister hurried to open it anyway.
She barked at the person outside, “What do you want?”
I turned to look at the person. It was Jeremy, my sister’s best-friend-turned-worst-enemy just because he tried to tell his real feelings towards her, and by the looks of it, hasn’t given up on her yet.
“Sharina, I-“
“I told you, Jeremy. I don’t want to be more than what we are. If you don’t want that, then get lost.”
And she slammed the door and took the seat opposite me.
“Strike three,” she whispered and a grin was forming on her face.
“You know what? I think you should give him a chance,” I told her, sympathizing with the boy I knew so much by the number of hours he has been with my sister.
“Impossible!” she exclaimed, as she smiled at me.
“What?”
“That my only sister would think the same.”
“What?” I said again, completely at a loss.
She just ignored me.
The door bell rang for the fourth -and I hoped the last- time tonight. My sister whirled toward the door and I now understood what she meant.
Of course, she was just giving Jeremy some test. She loves him too and she wants to prove how serious he was by rejecting him… like tonight… and by how many times he would try to win her again. But I just hoped Jeremy wouldn’t give up yet. It might just hurt my sister.
I looked at Sharina and her face said that I was right.
She cheerfully opened the door but her expression changed when she realized it was not Jeremy.
Not Jeremy but…
“Taylor,” I gasped.
“Taylor! Come in! Come in!” my sister shrieked. I never saw her look that excited for days. Not even with the I hate you Jeremy pretenses.
Taylor took a step and was “in” when I shouted, “Stay where you are!”
The sound of my voice made him back away.
My sister was shocked. She pulled my right hand which was useless because I felt my two feet dragging me towards the door anyway.
When I was officially “out”, Sharina closed the door and locked me outside with the man whom I’m not so sure what my heart feels for.
But I’m quite sure with the mind thing. It kept telling me that I should hate Taylor because he hurt me when he left me two years ago, without explanation, and without warning.
I don’t even know if he still treated me as his girlfriend while he was away. For all we know, he may have hundreds of girls while I was left here thinking about him. Though, I don’t love him anymore. To me, he is an ex-boyfriend. A past I don’t want to relive. My mind says so.
“One for the day we meet again,” Taylor quoted, removing me from my trance as he handed me a large, long-stemmed, red, Californian rose.
He smiled his signature smile and his dimples showed on his right cheek. I stared at the floor mat just so he couldn’t see my face redden. I have a feeling it was as red as it was warm.
He held my chin with his hand and looked at me with his smoky green eyes placed on a perfectly chiseled face which took my breath away…
Stop!
I’m not supposed to tell that.
“So it was really you, wasn’t it? What made you come back?” I casually asked him, with a streak of sarcasm in my voice.
“Ouch,” he said as he put his balled fist on his chest. He was teasing and it wasn’t funny to me.
“Or better yet, why did you leave?” I wanted this question to be answered first.
“What kind of a lunatic man-“
“Oh, I don’t know. Men like you, perhaps?” I interrupted.
“Yes, I admit I was crazy, by leaving you. But please, let me explain,” he said with pleading eyes.
I remained quiet.
“You know I have amnesia that I couldn’t remember who I was or what I did before I met you. But that night- the night I left, everything came back to me-“
“So that’s why, you seemed different that night. You weren’t my Taylor,” I interrupted again.
“No, I didn’t forget you. I didn’t forget me. But some other memory tampered with my memories of you. I felt confused. I didn’t know if you really existed. I thought you were just a dream. But something told me that you’re more than that. But I didn’t want to hurt you when the time comes I wouldn’t recognize you anymore. It’s coming, Sabina, my condition could get worse. I left without explaining. I was selfish. I’m sorry.
“I know I belong here, with you. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me for leaving like that, but I kept battling with myself because part of me still believed that you should live a normal life. I want you to forget me because I don’t know how stable this mind would be. Dream or not, someday, soon, this mind may not recognize you any longer, though my heart really battled to never forget you.” I felt the pain in his voice as it trailed away.
“You want me to forget you? How would forgetting you make me live a normal life?” I felt a lump on my throat.
“Can’t you understand? I don’t want you to see me like this. I don’t want you to let me remember time and again that I should love you. I want you to love and be loved in return, normally. I love you, Sabina, this” –he clutched at his heart- “wouldn’t forget that, but I don’t know until when my mind would recognize you. I came here selfishly Sabina because I want to see you, even if it’s the last time I would. Forgive me. Forgive me for this.”
And he crushed his lips against mine. I wanted to pull away from him but I couldn’t. Instead, I just kissed him back as I felt his soft lips I missed for a very long time.
It felt like forever before our lips parted.
I looked at Taylor and cried. “I need you forever, even if it would end today. I forgive you, Taylor. I love you!” I embraced him tightly as tears continued to well down my cheeks.
A realization came over me. I let my mind rule over my heart, a principle I’ve quite developed. Yet here he is in front of me, trying to fight his mind with his heart. - A heart that says that there’s no one else but me. Now I know, that my heart also screamed for him.
“I didn’t know some romantics still existed today,” I smiled at him as I admired the rose. It was the third rose tonight.
We were about to kiss again when Jeremy appeared.
“Oops… Sorry,” he apologized, seeing what his wrong timing had caused.
“Don’t be. Sharina’s inside the house,” I winked at him as I pressed the door bell button, knowing that four hearts would never be the same tonight, at the eve of Valentine’s Day.
~anamellie, 012709
Saturday, June 10, 2006
How Can I Tell You That I Love You
She clutched his letter next to her heart. She had read it many times, but the pain she felt was so fresh and the cut in her heart was so deep as if it had only happened this very moment.
This was what the letter said:
Dearest Trisha,
I watched you laugh and sit on the swing under our huge tree. Your auburn hair swayed and danced with the fallen brown leaves against the cold wind of autumn…
And we chased after each other all day during the hot summer, playing tag.
We've been together as friends. We cried, we laughed, and we quarreled just like any other normal friends do. You gave me a smile, enough to make me warm during the cold days of winter, the same grateful smile you give me whenever I pick up flowers for you or get you an ice cream from our fridge, but I could never explain why that smile made my heart do somersaults that day.
It was love... and I knew it had started that time.
I never told you my feelings, and I never told you that you're the reason why sometimes, I couldn't sleep at night… or sometimes, I even lose my appetite. I never could tell you how I liked your name written on my palm. I haven’t got courage to tell you, and I just contented myself by putting this inside my mind, “How can I tell you that I love you, we are just fifteen?”
Our paths got separated. I left you, your tears pouring down your beautiful face. I never meant to make you cry. I hugged you and even wiped away your tears. When I was cut away from our embrace, I looked at your tear-stained face, and I realized that it would be the very last time I would see you. Even though I never want that moment to end, even though I still want to be locked inside your arms, I knew it was really goodbye for us.
But again, I kept my feelings inside my heart even though it was too painful to not tell you how I feel. I couldn’t even tell you how much I love you. How can I tell you that I love you, when I was about to leave?
Even though we had never seen each others faces again, I still thought of you, I still miss you, and I still love you. I reminisce the moments we used to have when we were young. The way we watch the sunset together, the way we wished for snow to be gone, or the way you gazed your chestnut brown eyes at me.
Then the day came when I got to see you again. We bumped at each other, and you smiled. You were with someone. And after minutes of awkward conversation, My heart felt like it was ripping into pieces. I couldn't forgive myself for not confessing I love you before...
Tears rolled down my face as I saw you leave... hand in hand with him. How can I tell you that I love you, when someone's already owning your heart?
I know that before you even read this letter…
She skipped that part, that part where she felt her heart was being crushed by an invisible hand on her chest.
…but I want you to know that I really love you and I’ll still be waiting for you.
Love forever,
Christian
Tears rolled down her wrinkled face as she hated Christian, the same way she had loved him. She didn’t know he had leukemia, not until she was informed that he died because of it.
“If he only told me that he loved me,” was the thing she said before she closed her eyes and died.
~anamellie, 061006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
I tried not to (Prologue)
Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory--
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.
Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.
Percy Bysshe Shelley~
Prologue
It has been 4 years
I found him dead,
Dead... because of me…
We were friends and I never thought that the love Sid gave to me that time would be the love that he soon gave to me when we grew older. I have been telling him not to fall in love with me but he refused. He told me that his love for me was so strong, that no one could break it. He was wrong of course.
And I was wrong too. I thought it would not happen. I thought that I could not love him and most of all, I tried not to love him but at a young age, 19, I started loving Sid and things went in a good way. However, the thing that has been haunting all of me kept coming in and out at the back of my mind.
And after a short span of time, Sid died. A car accident broke his handsome face. His mangled body was found several hours after the accident had happened and the broken pieces of the car could be seen on the highway.
It was an agonizing sight. I came there as soon as I knew what had happened. If only I was with him by the time he was hit by that huge truck, we could have departed this life together.
He was planning to visit his parents the day he died. That day when I decided to stay behind because I thought it would be best if I gave them time to spend together as a family. Because soon, Sid would be married to me. I couldn’t help but weep at that broken dream. We would have spent the rest of our lives together like we had planned, but his accidental death came, and I can’t help but blame myself for what happened to Sid.
His parents telephoned me at once. His weeping mother was the first to call. Minutes after that, his father called. Before I can tell them about the thing that has been haunting me for ages, cowardice sprang inside me. I never had the courage to tell them about it and I promised never to show my face to them again.
I fled with the memory of Sid inside me despite the fact that reminiscing him would make my world stumble... but I couldn’t help it if flashes of memories would cloud my mind.
“Best be off, Allodia. I love you”, I sometimes hear his voice speak again. He had said millions of goodbyes to me but all of it was just temporal. The last goodbye was the real goodbye. Perhaps he had never thought that that would be the last words he would say to me.
“I love you,” I often choke back, with tears on my face as I hear his voice replaying on my mind.
I closed my eyes and his face swam before me. I always wanted the way his kind expression smiled at me. No one had taken me by the hand with gentleness like him. Also, I frequently remember the way he covers my eyes whenever he wants to surprise me with flowers or gifts. He does it habitually. If he was here and he would cover my eyes like he always does, he would feel these hot tears flowing down my eyes or maybe there could not be a single teardrop if he was here because the mere memory of his death and absence was what made all these teardrops fall. Nothing made me cry while I was with him. I found my shelter while I was with him. It isn’t home without him.
But now that he is gone forever, no one would do those things again.
It will all be just a dream and Sid’s death would be my nightmare.
Four horrible years had passed since Sid died. I tried to forget him. Four years would be enough to carry that burden deep inside me. I promised myself that I would never love again. Loving is only fine if it does not involve murder.
I live in a hill that has a clear view of the city downtown. I want to be away from the rest of the world. Yes, I have moved on but I was afraid that I will risk another life so I bought a house on top of this hill with the fortunes I inherited and I locked myself away from the people.
I know that I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to love and be loved in return and witness death in front of me...
~anamellie, 052106
AN: This is a prologue of the story I've been too anxious to make. But the demands of college forced me to put this work on hold. I feel so distraught but I can't seem to do anything about it. So this is a form of making up for the still unfinished story.
Vibrates in the memory--
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.
Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.
Percy Bysshe Shelley~
Prologue
It has been 4 years
I found him dead,
Dead... because of me…
We were friends and I never thought that the love Sid gave to me that time would be the love that he soon gave to me when we grew older. I have been telling him not to fall in love with me but he refused. He told me that his love for me was so strong, that no one could break it. He was wrong of course.
And I was wrong too. I thought it would not happen. I thought that I could not love him and most of all, I tried not to love him but at a young age, 19, I started loving Sid and things went in a good way. However, the thing that has been haunting all of me kept coming in and out at the back of my mind.
And after a short span of time, Sid died. A car accident broke his handsome face. His mangled body was found several hours after the accident had happened and the broken pieces of the car could be seen on the highway.
It was an agonizing sight. I came there as soon as I knew what had happened. If only I was with him by the time he was hit by that huge truck, we could have departed this life together.
He was planning to visit his parents the day he died. That day when I decided to stay behind because I thought it would be best if I gave them time to spend together as a family. Because soon, Sid would be married to me. I couldn’t help but weep at that broken dream. We would have spent the rest of our lives together like we had planned, but his accidental death came, and I can’t help but blame myself for what happened to Sid.
His parents telephoned me at once. His weeping mother was the first to call. Minutes after that, his father called. Before I can tell them about the thing that has been haunting me for ages, cowardice sprang inside me. I never had the courage to tell them about it and I promised never to show my face to them again.
I fled with the memory of Sid inside me despite the fact that reminiscing him would make my world stumble... but I couldn’t help it if flashes of memories would cloud my mind.
“Best be off, Allodia. I love you”, I sometimes hear his voice speak again. He had said millions of goodbyes to me but all of it was just temporal. The last goodbye was the real goodbye. Perhaps he had never thought that that would be the last words he would say to me.
“I love you,” I often choke back, with tears on my face as I hear his voice replaying on my mind.
I closed my eyes and his face swam before me. I always wanted the way his kind expression smiled at me. No one had taken me by the hand with gentleness like him. Also, I frequently remember the way he covers my eyes whenever he wants to surprise me with flowers or gifts. He does it habitually. If he was here and he would cover my eyes like he always does, he would feel these hot tears flowing down my eyes or maybe there could not be a single teardrop if he was here because the mere memory of his death and absence was what made all these teardrops fall. Nothing made me cry while I was with him. I found my shelter while I was with him. It isn’t home without him.
But now that he is gone forever, no one would do those things again.
It will all be just a dream and Sid’s death would be my nightmare.
Four horrible years had passed since Sid died. I tried to forget him. Four years would be enough to carry that burden deep inside me. I promised myself that I would never love again. Loving is only fine if it does not involve murder.
I live in a hill that has a clear view of the city downtown. I want to be away from the rest of the world. Yes, I have moved on but I was afraid that I will risk another life so I bought a house on top of this hill with the fortunes I inherited and I locked myself away from the people.
I know that I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to love and be loved in return and witness death in front of me...
~anamellie, 052106
AN: This is a prologue of the story I've been too anxious to make. But the demands of college forced me to put this work on hold. I feel so distraught but I can't seem to do anything about it. So this is a form of making up for the still unfinished story.
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